Click Below to Hear.

 

"I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they're thinking, '*That's* why I'm not a heterosexual.'

"But...but I'm disturbed! I'm depressed! I'm inadequate! I've got it all!"

"Do you wanna have sex right now? Do you wanna have sex with me right now?"

"I'm Buck Naked."

"For I am Costanza...Lord of the Idiots."

The Seinfeld Episode Guide is a MobileDB database that lists all 178 episodes of the famous television sitcom "Seinfeld". Each record includes the episode number, a brief description of that episode's plot, and the date the program first aired in the United States. This file is a must-have reference for Seinfeld aficionados.

Company:Mobile Generation

Software Size:15.43  KB

View file contents

Requirements:MobileDB and Palm OS (any version)  Purchase Information:Free

Click Here to DownloadNow

FAST FACTS ABOUT GEORGE

His parents are Frank and Estelle Costanza.

His password on his bank card is 'Bosco'

George has had 47 girlfriends

Kills his fiance by purchasing cheap envelopes for the wedding

George has had 12 jobs over the 10 years

If it were socially acceptable, George would drape himself in velvet.

George's Credo "It's not a lie if you believe it."

The Character George Costanza, portrayed by Jason Alexander, brought to the small screen a character which forever changed the shallowness and selfishness (and nerousis) one could exhibit in public. He made it cool (and funny) to be an ass, raising the level to new heights.

Life Tips and Quotes

"The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry, I just saw the Bat Signal." - George, telling how he left a woman's bed, in "The Chinese Restaurant"

When women smile at me I don't know what it means. Sometimes I interpret it like they're psychotic or something. And I don't know if I'm supposed to smile back. I don't know what to do."

- George, in "The Phone Message"

 

"For me to ask a woman out, I've got to get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks."

- George, in "The Phone Message"

 

"Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year."

- George, in "The Phone Message"

"She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice. But women don't want nice. Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?" - George, in "The Cafe"

"If you can't say something bad about a relationship you shouldn't say anything at all."

- George, in "The Stand-In"

"Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's often wrong."

- George, in "The Opposite"

Bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women."

- George, in "The Opposite"

 

"A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgement I've ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion, Elaine, Jerry. This is my religion."

- George in "The Opposite"

"Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think's gonna be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?"

- George, in "The Raincoats"

"Hey, it's George. I got nothing to say."

- George, leaving a message on Jerry's answering machine,

in "The Chinese Woman"

"I don't trust men in capes."

- George, in "The Chinese Woman"

"I think she finds my stupidity charming."

- George, in "The Gymnast

"What's so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn't shop there."

- George, in "The Mom and Pop Store"

"You're extremely attractive, you're gorgeous. I'm looking at you, I can't even remember my name."

- George, in "The Secretary"

"In the whole world right now there's maybe three emergencies. Why would you think on this entire planet that you're one of those three?"

- George, in "The Implant"

"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"

- George, in "The Switch"

"Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm askin'. This woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny."

- George, to Jerry, in "The Visa"

"I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs."

- George, in "The Engagement"

"If I owned a company, my employees would love me. They'd have huge pictures of me up the walls and in their home, like Lenin."

- George, in "The Trip"

"Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up."

- George, in "The Old Man"

"Y'know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now... It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her."

- George, finding out that his former girlfriend is a lesbian, in "The Smelly Car"

"Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship."

- George, in "The Puffy Shirt"

"This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her."

- George, in "The Masseuse"

"Yes, this is a business office, but I'm not a businessman per se. I'm here working for the people. I'm causing dissent, stirring the pot, getting people to question the whole rotten system."

- George, trying to get a date with a communist, in "The Race"

"You know, George, they're doing wonderful things at mental institutions these days. I'd be happy to set up a meet and greet."

- Jerry, in "The Stand-In"

______________________________________

Jerry: "So you feel 'women and children first' in this day and age is somewhat of an antiquated notion."

George:"To some degree."  

Jerry: "So, basically, it's every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves."

George: "In a manner of speaking."  

Jerry: "Well, that's honest."  

George: "She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals."    

Jerry:"Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center she'll see things more clearly."

- Jerry and George, in "The Fire" ______________________________________ 

"Do your thing there where you lie to everyone." - Jerry, to George, in "The Pledge"

_____________________________________

George: "Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like?"

Jerry: "Well, you've only got another fifty years or so to go before it'll all be over..."  

George and Jerry, discussing women, in "The Old Man"

____________________________________  

George: "There's gotta be more to life than this. What gives you pleasure?  

Jerry: "Listening to you. I listen to this for fifteen minutes and I'm on top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure." - George and Jerry, in "The Old Man"

_______________________________________  

George:"What kind of a person are you?"  

Jerry:"I think I'm pretty much like you -- only successful." -

George and Jerry, in "The Old Man"

_____________________________

The Scripts

The Opposite

George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents house. Things begin to be unlucky for Elaine after she buys a box of "Jujyfruits." Kramer appears on Regis & Kathie Lee to promote his coffee table book. Rachel wants to break up with Jerry and he readily agrees, because his luck has been "even Steven." Elaine's eating of "Jujyfruits" causes Pendant Publishing to go under, and later she realizes that she and George have traded places.

Old Man

Jerry, Elaine & George volunteer to help the elderly. Jerry gets assigned to a nasty old man. Elaine is repulsed by the goiter problems of hers and George depresses his charge. Kramer and Newman try the business of selling old records to a used record store. Jerry loses track of his man when they try to take him to the dentist to repair his dentures, after the man had bitten Kramer's arm.

Yada Yada

George's girlfriend is big on using the phrase "yada yada"; George determines that his girlfriend might be leaving out some significant details with her overuse of the phrase "yada yada." He gets her to fill in the details and discovers more than he wants to know.

The Package

George discovers the woman at the photo store is looking at his pictures. Jerry refuses delivery of a package with no return address. George thinks that the photo store clerk has stuck a revealing picture of herself in with his pictures. Kramer convinces George to return the compliment and offers to take the photos. Newman grills Jerry on suspicion of mail fraud. George drops off his film at the photo store and gets a surprising result.

The Wig Master

George has an unwanted house guest, a wig master for the touring company of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." He also has found a parking lot that charges $75 dollars a month.George discovers why the lot is so cheap, he finds a used condom in his car and is asking a prostitute for information, just as Susan approaches.