Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

In an effort, for prosterity and simple interest to John Candy and Steve Martin fans, I am proud to offer an audio tribute to one of the funniest travel movies of all times. If you don't already have a copy, I suggest you pick one up. Buy a copy from Amazon.ca today!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles...

"Let me make it up to you some how, huh, please? How about a nice hot dog and a beer?"

"The last thing I want to be remembers as is an annoying blabber mouth. "

"Honey, I'd Like you to meet Del Griffith..."

"You want to hurt me? Go right ahead....."

"Didn't you notice on the plane...."

"Have A point......"

"Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?"

NEAL: "He wants something."
DEL: "Oh, he's probably drunk."
DRIVER: [shouting] "You're going the wrong way."
NEAL: "What."
DRIVER: [shouting] "You're going the wrong way."
NEAL: "He says we're going the wrong way."
DEL: "Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?"
NEAL: "Yeah, how would he know? Thank you. Thanks a lot. Terrific."
DEL: "Thank you. [honks car horn] [laughs] What a moron."

"You Play With Your Balls Alot"

"We can laugh about it now, we're all right."

DEL: "Oh, this isn't so bad. I'd though it would be a lot worse than this. They'll be able to buff this up no problem. Oh, yeah. [long laugh] WOW. [laugh] I mean that was close. We can laugh about it now, we're all right. Maybe we should just get my stuff off the road, eh? What do you think?"

"I have two dollars and a...a casio."

"Top of the morning officer..."

"Welcome to Marathon, May I Help You?" (Note: This scene contains profanity)

Transcripts of Memorable Scenes

This Is the Famous Scene Where Neal Loses It on Del.

Del: God, you're an ungrateful jackass. Well, go ahead, sleep in the lobby, see if I care! I hope you wait up so stiff you can't even move!
Neal: You're no saint. You got a free cab, you got a free room--and someone'll listen to your boring stories! Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy is not enjoying it? Y'know, not everything is an anecdote, you have to discriminate! You choose things are funny or mildly amusing! You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for ya! And, oh, here's a gun so you can blow your brains out, you'll thank me for it!
I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there, and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face! And they'd say, how can you stand it? And I'd say, because I've been with Del Griffith, I can take anything! Y'know what they'd say, they'd say, "I know what you mean, shower curtain ring guy...whoa!"
It's like going on a date with a Chatty-Kathy doll. I expect you to have a string on your chest that you pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would! [imitating] Dyah dyah dyah dyah! And, you know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!
[Long pause. Neal sighs, curses quietly and continues to pack his stuff from the motel room. Del, visibly hurt by this tirade, starts slowly.]
Del: You want to hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right: I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold, hard cynic like you. But I don't like to hurt people's feelings. You think what you want about me, I'm not changing. I...I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

The Hilarious Marathon Car Rental Scene

Receptionist Welcome to Marathon... May I help you?
Neal Yes.
Receptionist How may I help you?
Neal You can start by wiping the f**king dumb ass smile off your rosey f**king cheeks - and then you can get me a f**king automobile. A f**king Datsun, a f**king Toyota, a f**king Musting, a f**king Buick... four f**king wheels and a seat.
Receptionist I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of f**king nowhere with f**king keys to a f**king car that isn't f**king there. And I really didn't care to f**king walk down a f**king highway and across a f**king runway to get back here to have you smile at my f**king face. I want a f**king car... right... f**king... NOW!
Receptionist May I see your rental agreement?
Neal I threw it away.
Receptionist Oh boy.
Neal Oh boy what?
Receptionist You're f**ked.

"Between Two Pillows"

NEAL: "Del?"
DEL: "Huh?"
NEAL: "Why did you kiss my ear?"
DEL: "Why are you holding my hand?"
NEAL: "Where's your other hand?"
DEL: "Between two pillows."
NEAL: "Those aren't pillows!!!"
DEL & NEAL: "AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH
NEAL: "See that Bears game last week?"
DEL: "Yeah, hell of a game. Hell of a game. The Bears have a great team this year. They're gonna go all the way this year."

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